I'm out of time. Today I have to head back to Arizona from SDSU to finish fundraising. It's something I knew was going to happen 3 weeks ago when I came to San Diego, but the stuff that's happened, the things I've seen, and the people I've spent time with make leaving infinitely harder than I ever thought it would be. Even if it is just temporarily.
I spent a lot of time yesterday frustrated for so may reasons. I was frustrated because I felt like I had let my team down by not being funded and leaving them short handed at a crucial time in the ministry. I was frustrated because I felt like in the little time I've been here I haven't been as effective as I wanted to be. I was frustrated because what little I had accomplished I felt like would be gone, lost in the shuffle of the weeks to come as I try and get back out to SDSU.
It just comes down to a lack of faith. Paul and Timothy once wrote to the Phillipians -
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
God will take care of it. His work never fades away, and He never takes a break. I wasn't trusting in the gracious God that allows and guides the sunrise and sunset every day. I wasn't asking enough of the generous God who once held the sun in the sky for an entire extra day at the request of one of his servants. And I wasn't thanking my God who had brought me this far, though He owed me nothing good and certainly nothing as incredible as what He's shown me these last 3 weeks. While I was wondering what it was that I had done wrong, the truth is, I can't do anything right without His help. "Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stay awake in Vain" (~Ps 127).
So now I go back to AZ, relying on God to complete his work in these guys I've met, to complete his work with my funding, and thanking Him for allowing me to witness the things He has shown me so far....But it's still hard.
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